I would say that it is pretty challenging for me so far... at times I feel that being away from home for so long makes me feel so lonely.. with a small circle of friends.. so unlike me back home, when it seems that I would know almost everyone in town.. How times have changed..
Being on this journey away from home has made me discover that I am such a bitter person.. a pessimists, they say.. perhaps it is the environment that changed me.. or has i always been like that?? So much as I want to deny the fact that I am a pessimist, I can't because I know I always think of the negative possibility of things first, rather than the positive side like how we all should do. Life is a series of trials as we know it and I am only making it harder for myself right now. Wish I could change my point of view soon to bring out a happier me.
Being to self-conscious is another thing.. but it is how I was brought up to be in my country's system. Being in a foreign country where you can always speak your mind, and address elders or lecturers with their first name is quite a big change for me. I would feel really weird when I have to address the lecturers by their first name.. and still can't do that without feeling that I have done something wrong or bad. This can be overcome if I don't continue to be shy.. but it takes time.
I guess they are a lot of changes that I should be doing, to make my life better.. but once I managed to change it, I would have to change it back or tone it down a lot when I go home for good..
I miss a lot of things.. I wish I could turn back time. I have always wondered how will it be if I have taken other paths..
I have taken heaps of sacrifices in hopes of a better life in the future. Now... is it worth it?? Only time will tell, I want to make it BIG one day..just like everyone else and I hope I could.
status: emo
